Anxiety: How to Feel Better

A woman came to see me recently describing what she called a “constant hum of unease.”
Nothing dramatic had happened. She wasn’t in crisis. But she felt perpetually braced, like something was about to go wrong.

A couple of months prior, a tense interaction with a colleague had deeply unsettled her. So, she began skipping meetings where that colleague might be present. She ate lunch at her desk. She side-stepped shared spaces at work. Each time she avoided something, she felt a flicker of relief. She felt safe.

But the relief didn’t last.

Instead, the avoidance quietly expanded. She was spending much more time alone. And, the missed meetings created new stress at work. Isolation led to more overthinking. She began replaying the interaction, ruminating, and imagining what others thought of her. Her world became smaller and not because she was incapable, but because anxiety had begun steering the way she was living.

 One of anxiety’s quiet tricks is that it can disguise avoidance as self-protection. And while this is one person’s story, you may recognise parts of it in your own life.

Understanding What’s Actually Happening

Anxiety is not a personal flaw or a weakness. It is not failure. When we experience chronic anxiety or panic attacks, we can feel that something is broken within us or that we are being victimised by a mind gone haywire. It is important to know that anxiety is just the nervous system doing its job by scanning for threat and preparing you to respond.

At its core, anxiety is future focused. It anticipates. It predicts and asks, “What if?” When anxious thoughts arise, your body follows. Your breathing becomes shallow. Your chest tightens. Your heart rate increases. Muscles brace. You sweat. Your tummy flip-flops. Thoughts accelerate. Those experiences are caused by adrenaline. It is your stress response activating to keep you safe.

The initial spike we feel when anxiety kicks in is automatic, and that triggers a flow of reactions within us. But this is a space where we can have influence over what happens.  Anxiety becomes problematic not because it appears, but because of our reactions and the patterns that form around it, including avoidance of situations. When we repeatedly avoid what makes us anxious, we unintentionally teach the brain that the thing truly was dangerous. The short-term relief reinforces the cycle.

Like many things in life, our experience of anxiety is a pattern, and patterns can be changed.

What to Do When Anxiety Spikes

There are different levels to reducing and even eliminating high anxiety in your life. One is working with the situation of what to do when you suddenly feel anxious and panicky. Another is what to do over time to help shift the patterns surrounding the anxiety. Both are important. When you feel that familiar wave rising in your thoughts and your body there are strategies you can use to stabilise yourself. Here are practices that genuinely help:

Start with your breath.
Take one slow, deep breath in through your nose. Let it expand your ribcage and belly. Then exhale very slowly, taking longer than your inhale. Repeat. A longer exhale activates the parasympathetic nervous system which is your body’s braking system. Even three steady breaths, just like this, can begin to transform your anxiety into calm, and you are the one creating that change yourself.

Anchor into the present moment.
Feel your feet on the ground. If you are sitting, also feel your weight on the chair. Feel the heaviness. Notice that you are completely supported by the ground beneath you, rock-solid, and let that feeling be an invitation to let go of the tension in your body, to sink into the support of the earth. Notice that you are not in any physical danger – you are safe. Your body is safe, supported and grounded.

Scan your body.
Move your awareness slowly from your toes to the top of your head. Bring your full attention to your toes with your eyes open or closed, it doesn’t matter. You don’t need to look at your toes, just bring your awareness to them. (Yes, this sounds weird if you haven’t tried it before but trust me!) Then bring the awareness to your shins, then your knees, then your thighs, etc. Scan the body in this way. You can pause at each point for a count of three breaths before moving on. Finish with your focus resting on the crown of your head. Notice a sense of clarity and balance. This body scan practice interrupts the mental spiral and redirects attention into the body, where steadiness lives.

Move.
Anxiety feels like too much energy trapped inside of you. One of the best things you can do is move your body, in any way you can. Walk around the block. Shake your hands quickly like you are drying them. Stretch your shoulders. Dance to a song. Movement signals to your brain: I am not trapped. I can take action.

And perhaps most importantly, in all of these practices, notice that you are observing the anxiety. You are not the anxiety; you are the one aware of it. And you are taking charge of shaping your experience, shifting the pattern. Recognise: you are helping yourself cope and feel better and you can do this any time you want.

Reducing Anxiety Over Time

In-the-moment tools are essential. But long-term steadiness is built through consistency which looks like small, repeated actions each day. Here is where to focus:

Move regularly.
Exercise is one of the most well-researched interventions for anxiety. It metabolises stress hormones and builds resilience. It doesn’t need to be extreme. A brisk walk outdoors, yoga, swimming, dancing in your kitchen. Just three times a week for 15 minutes makes a difference! A handy tip is to get this done first thing in the morning and then avoid sitting for too long throughout your day. Keep track so you can celebrate your consistency and notice the change.

Develop a mindfulness practice.
Five minutes of daily meditation teaches your nervous system that not every thought requires action. Over time, you develop space between thought and response. You connect easily with a feeling of deep calm, giving your mind a break and deeply nurturing your nervous system which will have incredible impact on your ability to cope with stress and engage authentically with others.

Gently approach what you’ve been avoiding. Is there something that you have been avoiding? It takes courage to embrace that truth and sit with it. Take time to look within.

Avoidance feels protective in the moment, but it shrinks your world. Approaching what you fear, in small, manageable steps, expands it again. If you’ve been avoiding a person or a conversation, perhaps the first step is writing down how you are feeling and what you really want the situation to be. What is it that you want to happen? Then, write down what you want to communicate.

If it is an event, a responsibility, an appointment, or a habit that you need to change but are avoiding, begin by being truthful with yourself about why, and how you might wish to reshape the experience.

It’s also useful to reflect on what you deprive yourself of each time you avoid showing up. You might realise that you are giving away opportunities to that someone or something else that doesn’t value them. What would life be like if you moved through and beyond the source of your anxiety rather than letting it hold control? What rewards might you gain and reclaim?

A Note on Avoidance

When my client recognised her pattern, nothing dramatic changed overnight, but she connected with her inner compass and courage to create a change for herself.

She began attending meetings again (not without discomfort, initially). Instead of worrying about the colleague, she focused on sharing her ideas in the meetings and listening to all the other members of staff. Her boss commented on some of the great contributions she began making. She stopped eating lunch alone every day and instead, sat with a couple of friends and had a few laughs. By the second day, she wasn’t even thinking about the colleague she had spent so long worrying about. She ended up sharing her concerns with her boss, who coached her on the best way to handle the situation, and that put her mind at ease.

The anxiety did not disappear immediately, but it stopped expanding, and it started with something as simple as a deep breath and some solid support.

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If anxiety is troubling you, it is always worth making an appointment with your health care professional. Reach out and have a conversation with a close friend or family member. It is important to get the support you need.

I offer holistic counselling sessions online and you can find more information here.